Online dating is no longer a fringe activity, it's a cornerstone of modern romance. A 2019 Stanford study showed that nearly 39% of relationships starting in 2017 were formed online. Fast forward to today, in 2024, and we see an ecosystem where there are over 1.6 billion swipes per day on Tinder and Bumble just reported a 2.5 million-strong paying user base, which has grown by 22% over last year, are the norms. These platforms have not only redefined how we romantically connect but has also transformed the way we find love.
Yet, there’s a reckoning occurring with increasingly vocal dissatisfied users. This shouldn’t be surprising. Over the last few years the experience between servicing customers and servicing accelerating business growth has shifted dramatically in favor of the latter. With modifications of once free features into paid feature tiers, and then individual functions in the paid tiers being removed and added as stand-alone pay features, it’s not only getting more expensive to get closer to "to 'the one,' for current users, it's becoming more difficult." And with Gen Z reportedly seeking meaningful relationships over short term escapades, initial structures and features for these platforms will need to adapt for their needs - with potentially increasing costs. The promise of AI in online dating was to enhance connections. Make no mistake, AI is clearly being integrated into the fabric of many online dating businesses like Match Group’s properties including Match.com, Hinge and Tinder and their competitors like Bumble. However, the features added, again seem to be focusing on business outcomes, rather than its user’s relationship outcomes and as a result, has made online dating feel more like a fixed game of chance.
This paradox is where the real tension lies. The pursuit of business results often overshadows the enrichment of the user's journey. Online dating, a service nearing its 30-year mark, faces a growth dilemma: for every successful match, the platform potentially loses two users. Yet, beneath the impressive user statistics, there's a nuanced reality: the very technologies meant to connect us can also drain our wallets and leave us vulnerable to scams and insincerity.
The Lure of Love Online
Online dating delivers an undeniable allure and benefits to those who engage. I learned very quickly working to build a multi-million dollar phone psychic business that love is one of the key topics someone is willing to absolutely prioritize in their life. Dating platforms deliver an immediate access to a much larger dating pool than anyone could experience in the real world - either through friends and family, work, or even random encounters bumping into someone in the grocery store. The filters used to match potential partners and the convenience of connecting on one's own terms in any place at any time are clearly a universal benefit when trying to find “the one”. It's a promise of efficiency in the often-chaotic quest for companionship and can serve as a break in a chaotic day.
However, the online dating experience is fraught with challenges. Men grapple with uneven gender ratios, Tinder is reported to have three males for every one female user. This means men face intense competition from other men for a right swipe. Of note, for men to be successful there are three rules that need to be followed. They are: Rule One: Be attractive. Rule Two: Don’t be unattractive and Rule Three: If you can’t follow rule one, improve your odds by either being rich and/or famous and/or powerful, and sometimes that doesn’t even help. And women don’t have it any easier with their own unique challenges such as, an overwhelming influx of matches and safety concerns. These issues aren't uncommon in the real world either as they’re part of our overall social construct. On these apps though, they’re more visible and prevalent based on the platform designs and it sours the experience for many.
AI: The New Matchmaker
Enter AI, the new frontier in enhancing the online dating experience. AI can predict user behavior, offer personalized matchmaking, identify common interests with precision, and even offer real-time coaching for creating engaging profiles. For businesses, AI-driven analytics can predict user behavior, tailor marketing strategies, and reduce operational costs—potentially replacing roles, as I’d bet we’ll see happen, especially with Bumble's recent layoffs announcement.
Balancing Business Needs with Human Needs
Yet, herein lies the tension: while AI has the potential to enrich user experience, the driving force for many platforms remains firm—growth and profitability. The compatibility algorithms that sieve through the masses appear to favor beneficial results only when paying.
Features that might genuinely help users find lasting connections, like rigorous fake profile detection or advanced matching algorithms, are often sidelined if they don't contribute to the bottom line. I’m still shocked that when looking at current profiles, some of the easy to address issues users face still exist. The advent of AI is also casting long shadows over job security. The recent layoffs at Bumble and Match Group's partnership with OpenAI signal a worrying trend: the prioritization of innovation over employment. The partnership with OpenAI, although not explicitly stated, may imply impending layoffs, reminiscent of Tyler Perry's decision to halt a significant studio expansion due to the capabilities of AI like OpenAI's Soma. This raises a critical question: Is the rapid replacement of jobs with AI justified? Should we not strive for a balanced approach to AI integration, one that considers workforce implications alongside business optimization?
Data Privacy and Consent
Moreover, the potential integration of Match Group's extensive user data with OpenAI introduces substantial concerns regarding personal data privacy and consent. The current legal landscape, both globally and within the United States, is not equipped and nowhere near ready to address the complexities that arise with AI handling sensitive personal information. Users' rights to privacy and the ethical use of their data must be at the forefront of the conversation. Will users be adequately informed about how their data is used to train AI systems? What becomes of this personal information if the company undergoes a sale or acquisition? The narrative around AI in online dating needs to address these ethical considerations. We must champion a dialogue that evaluates not just what AI can do but what it ethically should do.
The Unseen Side of AI in Dating
The industry's appearance to focus on financial outcomes over user satisfaction is evident in the slow adoption of features that could disrupt the business model. There's an inherent conflict—platforms thrive on user engagement, not on successful departures. Hence, while AI could, for instance, perfectly match soulmates, doing so could reduce user engagement, contrary to business interests. There's no justification for profiles to feature requests like 'venmo me @,' or to consistently include Instagram profiles and website URLs in bios.There’s a social and spotify api connection functionality already present. AI should very easily be able to filter these terms and/or flag these profiles from view once detected. and this issue is just one of the simpler ones to address. This isn’t a new concept. , VBulletin had similar features on their message boards to address troll posts all the way back in 2002 and Word offered a find and replace feature since its inception in 1983 demonstrating that it’s possible to filter unwanted content.
Enhancing User Experience with AI
Some of that might be depressing, so I’m going to leave you with several features I believe AI can boost the overall customer satisfaction and usability of each of these platforms to grow not only users, but revenues and shouldn’t be too complex to integrate in the shorter term.
1. More Robust Identification and Removal of Fake Profiles: Implementing AI to better detect and eliminate fake profiles and bots, especially those promoting URLs or soliciting personal information. When people feel like profiles are fake, or using VPN to appear local, but all information in the bio says otherwise, these should be flagged and removed.
2. Enhanced Filtering Based on Match History: Utilizing algorithms for customers benefit, rather than promotions to buy features could improve user experience by suggesting matches with a higher likelihood of success based on a user's interaction history, recognizing patterns that may not be explicitly stated in profiles or use history. While it could also increase data storage costs, or end use too quickly if everyone is finding a match within an extremely short period of time, There are a few key benefits though. There are still unknown things that will only come with use and time which will strengthen the matching, keep people using the app longer. And I’d bet when there’s a higher quality output from a product, you can expect people to pay more to use it.
3. Optimal Timing for Profile Display and Messaging: AI can analyze user activity patterns to recommend the best times for users to show their profiles or respond to messages for increased engagement. Not just when everyone else is doing it ,as is done today - but where there’s a closer match to specific profiles and people.
4. Personalized Messaging Assistance: AI-driven coaching tools to help users craft unique messages that align with their personality and the recipient’s preferences, or even responses that a more refined, witty and charming response could be appreciated. This clearly can help reduce miscommunication and improve match quality.
5. Safety and Privacy Enhancements: Advanced AI features that prioritize user safety by verifying profile authenticity and moderating interactions to prevent scams and protect personal data. Pig Butchering is becoming a much bigger threat, even for people who have done extreme due diligence, they’ve been fooled into losing life savings. Online Dating platforms are a prime area to initiate this scam due to the nature of the people using it. Again, any message that says let’s chat off the app can be filtered from being sent and the user sending it can be warned. Generative AI can detect both “@name” as well as “at name” or words and phrases like call me +” ####” or “use my” +, “WhatsApp”, etc… These safety measures are crucial in building trust among a platform’s users and will help to ensure their journey to find a genuine and loving experience remains secure.
6. Emotional Intelligence in Matching:
Incorporating AI that understands emotional cues from user interactions to foster deeper connections and suggest matches with emotional compatibility. Plenty of people share Their Myers Briggs type, Enneagram or other personality types. These can be used too to enhance overall matching algorithms.
7. User Behavior-Based Recommendations: Implementing AI to recommend profiles and matches not just based on static preferences but also on dynamic interaction patterns and behaviors. Again, this is where basic KNN and/or the K-Means models can do wonders to make better connections, or more complex models like CNNs, RNNs or GNNs and now likely GPT at least in Match’s case) could look at similarities in images/chats that along with other profile similarities to match those who are compatible.
A Call for Authentic Connection
As we navigate the evolving landscape of online dating, augmented by the ever-growing capabilities of AI, it becomes imperative for us, as a community of users, developers, and ethical technologists, to steer this innovation towards a future that values genuine human connection and safety as much as it does profitability. The integration of AI offers us unparalleled opportunities to enhance the way we build relationships and find love. However, this journey should be guided by a commitment to ethical practices, transparency, and the safeguarding of our personal data and emotional well-being. I urge each of you to join this crucial conversation.
Share your experiences, insights, and thoughts on how AI can be developed and implemented in online dating platforms responsibly. Whether you're a user who's navigated the complexities of these platforms, a developer crafting the next generation of dating technology, or simply someone interested in the ethical implications of AI, or dating experience online, your voice is essential.
What changes do you believe are necessary to ensure that AI serves the best interests of users? How can we balance the drive for innovation with the need for privacy, security, and authentic connection?